I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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