so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
