I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
