Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
