there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
