It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
