i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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