I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
