Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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