then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
