He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i love accidental penises.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
