we have pet lesbian snakes
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
