Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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