youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Be still, my beating vagina.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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