That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
