My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
