Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's rum buckets o'clock
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
