What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
