I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
