His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
