Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
