I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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