The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
