this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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