These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
