If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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