i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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