What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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