So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
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