Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
