Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
