We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
