Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize