talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
