oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
