just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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