apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
