so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
