So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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