It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
