I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
