My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
