I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
