How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
