I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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