even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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