Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
