thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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