well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
