it's too hot outside to masturbate.
People in love make me want to vomit
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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