i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
