Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
