Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
