my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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