Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I deserve this hangover.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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