This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
