If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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