Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
