You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
