This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
