did you get engaged???
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
