The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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