wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
