My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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