Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
