we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
