what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
