i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
