The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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