there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize