Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
