His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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