theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
