just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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