his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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