cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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